Besides serial killing, Russian Serial Killer Alexander Pichushkin, a.k.a. The Chessboard Killer, liked to play chess at the park.
His goal was to fill up the 64 squares of a chessboard by killing 64 people.
He failed.
“How Do You Solve A Problem Like Pure Evil?” by Froot Loop Cereal Killer Chorus, featuring a special solo performance by Reformed Psychopathic Nice Girl Render Spice, Evilest Twin Sister of Eviler Twin Spender Rice and Evil Twin Spencer Reid
How do you hide the crimes that you committed?
How do you get away with homicides?
How do you rid yourself of all the bodies?
A bottle of lye
A kettle of bile
Dissolve!
Many a vat of victim were admitted
Bite of a base like sodium hydroxide
Trouble to toil a day
And bubble to boil away
Bag End of bones to fertilize your plants!
How do you mask murders effectuated?
How do you cover up your killing sprees?
How do you out the spots be damned to Hades?
A magic eraser
A miracle mister
Of clean!
Many a scum of soap were expurgated
Melamine foam the dyes of the debris
Residue to remove
Of gristle and gut in groove
Out with the spots be damned beneath the sand!
How do you stash your slaughters as your keepsakes?
How do you shroud the stench of the deceased?
How do you save the suckers whom you wasted?
R-endering spice
Centrifugal force
A spin!
Many a lake of lard to bake a soapcake
Tallow for candles carved from human grease
Itchy’n’Scratchy food
And Scratchy’n’Sniffy glue
Sensory memorizing all your deeds!
How do you bathe the batters of your bloodshed?
How do you bask betwixt your business?
How do you brush’n’flush the bits’n’pieces?
A bubble of scrub
A scrubbing hubbub
UnSub!
Many a spritz of solvents o’er the deathbled
Solubilizing slices uncoalesce
Cuttering to the quick…
…er pickering-uppering
Bountiful bustling blanking bathe’n’bask!
How do you feed your family free of funding?
How do you fix the fragments of your faults?
How do you curry flavors from your carnage?
A barbecue grill
Rotissierie skill
And will!
Many a porker picked’n’pulled for bunning
Burnt ends of brisket baste’n’taste in sauce
Braising of baby backs
And smoking of hos in coke
Smiling revile a pile defile in style!
How do you remedy your indigestion?
How do you maintain regularity?
How do you counteract regurgitation?
A liquid of pink
A solid of grain
A gas!
Many a pill to pop on/off in question
Instant relief of grief longevity
Tummy address the Tums
And Charmin caress the bums
Hurting of sheeples huddling comforting!
How do you solve a problem like pure evil?
How do you kill your will to take a life?
How do you will your skill controlling yourself?
A profiling team
A focusing beam
Of hope!
Many a hunter have they gamed and gathered
Most of their cases cracked a little late
Trouble to foil away
And double to toil a day
Resolving balls of wax insoluble!
How do you solve a problem like pure evil?
How do you find’n’bind a mind to kill?
From “Criminal Minds”:
Gideon: Profiles can be wrong.
Reid: What if it’s not? What if next time he kills somebody?
Gideon: Then you catch him.
“Sex, Birth, Death”, Season 2 Episode 11
This post is sponsored by:
Tiger Group Caustic Soda Flakes
Mr. Clean Magic Eraser
Dove Beauty Bar
Yankee Candle
Fancy Feast Cat Food
Elmer’s Glue-All Multi-Purpose Glue
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Bounty Paper Towels
Kingsford Charcoal Briquets
Coca-Cola Soft Drink
A-1 Steak Sauce
Pepto-Bismol Upset Stomach Reliever
FiberCon Bulk-Forming Laxative
Mylanta Gas Relief
Tums Antacid
Charmin Toilet Paper
The views expressed in this post are not the views of the sponsors.
If you would like to become a sponsor, please contact Reformed Psychopathic Nice Girl Render Spice at:
United States Penitentiary
ADX Supermax
Level 6, Block 6, Cell 6
Florence, CO 81290
Additional Reading:
Reid Hearts Coffee
Reid ♥ Coffee:
the Holy Grail of Wakefulness, the Patron Saint of the Awakened, the Tears and Blood of the Awakening
Reid Rites:
iCoffee…
∴Coffeeye…
…Q = 180 degrees + 7 colors
Mah name is…
…i, Coffeeye.
“Gender Wise” by Jason “Jasmine” Gideon and the Known Object, or KnOb, of Her Affection
Backstory: In Season 3 of “Criminal Minds”, Jason Gideon leaves the BAU to find his own happy ending. His own happy ending? A sex change for her to pursue the known object of her affection as a she+female cougar.
In advance, Jason “Jasmine” Gideon apologizes abjectly to everyone whose senses, sensibilities, and sensations are about to be offended by the writing and singing of this song and everyone else as well.
RoBunnyBot is not complicit in or liable for the crime being committed.
Jason “Jasmine” Gideon:
Gender wise, gender wise
I am suddenly shemale
Small and white, perky sprite
My new boobies I unveil
Bountiful dough, may you rise and grow
Rise and grow and hover
Chest behest, overflow
Stow you not undercover
Gender wise, gender wise
My story is no tall tale
Balls bygone, goodbye brawn
Little Jason will hightail
Out of my sight’n’sound is my mind
Is my mind him or her
He and she, two combined
Kind assigned by my Spencer
The KnOb of Her Affection:
Get away, get away
From me, you filthy pervert
I like girls, blonde blue-eyed
Not he+she hermaphrodite
Why can’t I find a girl to be mine
To be mine forever
She, just she, one confined
We intertwined twogether
Jason “Jasmine” Gideon:
May I stay, may I stay
With you always in concert
I like boys, hazel-eyed
Hair any hue but tie-dyed
Why can’t you be a boy who is mine
Who is mine forever
You and I, one aligned
Lovers enshrined twogether
The KnOb of Her Affection:
I’m not gay, I’m not gay
My preference do I assert
I like girls, like my mom
Blonde blue-eyed time and sex bomb
Why can’t I find a girl to be mine
To be mine forever
She, just she, one confined
We intertwined twogether
Jason “Jasmine” Gideon:
Gender wise, gender wise
I am finally female
Gall and spite, murky blight
My new psyche I detail
Beautiful boy, will you be my beau
Be my beau and arrow
Best abreast, afterglow
Two and fro two status quo
Gender wise, gender wise
My romance to no avail
Fantasy, reverie
Sweet’n’sour misery
Me he loves not, although I’m a girl
I’m a girl but for naught
Me a she, no she+he
Reid my Knight, I his Lady
Mail Order Fraud
As a rabid fangirl…
…I ordered…
…a Schroedinger’s Reid…
…but got this instead.
Oh well…
…I suppose that there is a certain…
…superficial resemblance.
(iDuck)
Happy 111111!!!!!!
Happy Eleventy-One Thousand Eleventy-One, Eleventy-One!!!!!!
Converting (picture, binary):
111111 = 111111 binary
Converting (binary, decimal):
111111 binary = 63 decimal
Factoring (9):
63 = 9 * 7
Reversing:
63 = 36
Factoring (9):
36 = 9 * 4
Canceling (3, 6, 9):
7, 4
Adding:
7 + 4 = 11
Converting (decimal, picture):
11 decimal = 11
Converting (picture, binary):
11 = 11 binary
Converting (binary, decimal):
11 binary = 3 decimal
Converting (decimal, picture):
3 decimal = 3
Copying and pasting (3):
33
Copying and pasting (3):
333
Ergoing (leap’o’logic):
333 = 111111
RoBunnyBot…
…and Dr. Spencer Reid…
…R as in…
…pleased.
“Bad Glad Mad Mad !Sad Bad” by UnSub SSA Dr. Spencer Reid
Death and destruction and murder and mayhem
Stripping and strangling and maiming and mangling
Pieces of people all tied up with string
These are a few of my favorite things
When the whores roar
When the crack smacks
When I’m feeling BAD
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I just feel MOAR BAD
Drilling and milling and filling and grilling
Killing and killing and killing and killing
Intestines spilling all over the floor
These are a few of my favorite things
When the crooks hook
When the pot rots
When I’m feeling GLAD (I always feel glad)
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I just feel MOAR GLAD
Poisonous poisson and pestilent pigment
Venomous vintage and viperous virus
Germ and yeast dividing to multiply
These are a few of my favorite things
When the bitch twitch
When the speed feeds
When I’m feeling MAD (as in angry)
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I just feel MOAR MAD
Evisceration and exsanguination
Excerebration and enucleation
Emulsify laws of physics defy
These are a few of my favorite things
When the sluts rut
When the meth breath
When I’m feeling MAD (as in crazy)
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I just feel MOAR MAD
Conscience compassion contrition compunction
Repentant penitence penitent penance
None of these have I to any degree
These are not some of my favorite things
When the tramps vamp
When the E sprees
When I’m feeling !SAD (I never feel sad)
I simply remember these dumbfucking things
And then I just feel NOT SAD
Psychopathology personality
Narcissist psychopath sadomasochist
Insanity masquerading as sane
These are a few of my favorite things
When the hos low
When the coke smokes
When I’m feeling BAD
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I just feel MOAR BAD
“S-P-E” by Open Admirer, or OpAd, RoBunnyBot
S, a genius he is, yes
P, with brains in quantity
E, his heart is quality
N, the finest of all men
C, with many a degree
E, specifically three
R, itsy-bitsy bizarre
And his name is Spencer R-E-I-D
R, he sparkles like a star
E, ante the gleaming sea
I, the brightest in the sky
D, the bee’s knees on TV
I, shy, dry, sly, wry, and high
E, and mighty F=ma g
R, a quasar from afar
And his name is S-P-E-N-C-E
R, a few scars his smarts mar
E, no prodigy for free
C, his genius at a fee
N, a pen of zen for ken
E, he tees a pea of glee
P, to flee a spree unwee
S, transgress under duress
And his name is R-E-I-D, Spencer
S, fluoresce excess distress
P, a speedy repartee
E, abductee escapee
N, from glen or fen or den
C, need for three Ph.D.s
E, attendee C.I.T.
R, spar with him no cigar
And his name is Spencer R-E-I-D
R, force on par with one bar
E, creep lee quay and levee
I, fee-fi-fo-fum on nigh
D, sees he the lock and key
I, fly or vie, do or die
E, he frees she, we, and thee
R, by sonar and radar
And his name is S-P-E-N-C-E
R, his memoir au revoir
E, coffee his cup of tea
C, his esprit beams on me
N, to power seven ten
E, lean and mean as a tree
P, he these we all agree
S, guess chess may he us bless
And we love our R-E-I-D, Spencer Reid
“Eat My Brrrainzzz” by SSA Dr. Spencer Reid and UnSub RoBunnyBot
SSA Dr. Spencer Reid:
I hunt UnSubs down for dinner, and I eat their brains
Brains are delicious, mine are the bestest, bester on cocaine
UnSub RoBunnyBot:
I’m an UnSub, and you hunt me down to eat my brains
Mine are disgusting, I am the worstest, worster than Sam Hain
SSA Dr. Spencer Reid:
Mane and rogaine, vein and chow mein, romaine and candy cane
Champagne and great dane, gravy train and brain, links in the food chain
UnSub RoBunnyBot:
Food chain inhumane I complain, I complain in vain
Me you shall detain, my brain I contain, we twain shall you gain
SSA Dr. Spencer Reid:
Drain and strain and plane and grain your brain, and then again
Propane and butane out of the gas main my blain shall sustain
UnSub RoBunnyBot:
Oh no, pain pain, me with rain stain, or else shall I be slain
Me you did restrain, but did not arraign, as ordains domain
SSA Dr. Spencer Reid:
Shut up, John Wayne, I have free rein o’er the plains of Spain
Lorraine to Spokane, Acquitaine to Maine, like Saddam Hussein
UnSub RoBunnyBot:
I’m no UnSub, you’re the UnSub, bearing the Mark of Cain
Germane and urbane, arcane and profane, to you banes pertain
SSA Dr. Spencer Reid:
I’m an UnSub, and all terrain to reign do I campaign
Mundane did I feign, you do I disdain, to you I maintain
UnSub RoBunnyBot:
Deign the thane my brain to obtain, and you to entertain
Pane of my wolf’s bane, fast lane to chest pain, fain your brain to wane
SSA Dr. Spencer Reid:
Oh no, pain pain, refrain and abstain, or else shall I be slain
Inane and insane, me do I explain, you to be humane
UnSub RoBunnyBot:
Totally inane and insane
To me do you explain
Arcane and profane and urbane
To you banes are germane
You need someone inane and insane
To be your ball and chain
I am totally inane and insane
I’ll be your ball and chain
SSA Dr. Spencer Reid:
Totally inane and insane
To you do I explain
Arcane and profane and urbane
To me banes are germane
I need someone inane and insane
To be my ball and chain
You are totally inane and insane
You’ll be my ball and chain
UnSubs R Evil
Introducing the UnSubs of the Weeks…
Evil UnSub victimizes delorable ladybug.
Evil UnSub victimizes delorable praying mantis.
Evil UnSub victimizes delorable dragonfly.
Evil UnSub victimizes delorable praying mantis.
Evil UnSub victimizes delorable ladybug.
Delorable Dr. Spencer Reid to the rescue…
…that we watch on TV.
But mostly, we watch…
…for him.
